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But we don't have "the luxury" to continue avoiding this conversation, she says. And it had become basically a slur on masculinity, not so much a statement of sexual orientation. Orenstein says the boys she spoke with felt constrained by traditional notions of masculinity. Orenstein notes that society doesn't often give boys "permission or space" to discuss their interior lives. They see image after image of sex as something men do to women, of female pleasure as a performance for male satisfaction, of distorted bodies — of a whole lot of things that frankly wouldn't feel very good to most people. Sam Briger and Thea Chaloner produced and edited the audio of this interview. So they feel less satisfied with their partners' bodies, with their own bodies, with their own performance. But that ambiguity allows young people to vastly overestimate what their peers are doing. It affects their ideas about how women should behave.

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